Children, even young ones, are more aware than you think. Even if you do your best to shield them from violence and your partner never abuses you in front of the kids, they know there’s turmoil in the home.

“There is a natural tendency to minimize the fact that children are affected by domestic violence,” says Betsy McAlister Groves, founding director of the Child Witness to Violence Project at Boston Medical Center. “Young children are more aware than we, as adults, usually think they are. However, that doesn’t mean they understand what’s going on.”